If you are reading this, you have been infected. Proceed to the Wellness Center. At the door, remove the piece of clothing you like best. This certainly carries the disease, and will be destroyed.

No one will greet you. There is no one staffing the Wellness Center in this time of crisis; all personnel have been deployed to less fortunate towns. You may not see another person during your intake assessment. There is no need for alarm.

Sit in the blue chair. The green chair will turn blue at times. It is temperamental. Do not be fooled. Wait long enough for the blue chair to prove itself blue. This will take a short amount of time, but longer than you think.

The screen above you will descend until it is approximately one foot from your face. Look directly into the screen. It will diagnose the level of your infection. It will also provide a complimentary snapshot of your inner beauty. This inner beauty is not representative of an objective inner beauty. The Wellness Center will not be held liable for what you see there.

The treatment will happen without your knowledge. It may take a second or a day. For some, it takes years. No one will know when you have recovered. You will not feel any different; you will not look any different. The Wellness Center will bill you within thirty days.

Go home. Look in the mirror. You are cured. Thank you for your cooperation.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.