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where to return

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the geeks and the goth
the geeks and the goth,
originally uploaded by cygnoir.
I am settling into being mediocre, between genres, unfinished, and not a genius. In a way, I am reassured by this, because it means I no longer have to write the best first novel ever, and poems can just be poems.

This reassurance can turn so easily into dissatisfaction. We weren’t supposed to live this long with dissatisfaction; we get bored; we start wars or break hearts. We wander off. We forget where to return.

Across the street, someone tosses a tennis ball twenty feet into the air. I watch it rise and fall without knowing who is throwing it or when it will stop appearing. Arms get tired, distracted. One green sign for me, up up and slower, then returning so fast. One green sign for me, for now.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.