I did something very girly and purchased two-for-one lipsticks today. One of the colors is called Limitless Lilac. It is so very lilac, the kind of lilac that kicks the other floral hues in the nads and then does that stupid little schoolyard dance while they are rolling around in pain. It is not, however, so lilac that it is unlimited, because that would bleed into the other parts of the rainbow and I suspect they’d get testy about it. Also, impossible.
The other lipstick color is called In The Buff and it is buff-colored, which is to say a generic “this is just like not wearing lipstick only prettier and don’t ask me why it just is” color. I really hate this name more than the other name because it means unclothed or nude or naked and that to me is a silly thing to name anything, like juice or lipstick or a quality of fear.
I am writing about this because I wore Mirrored Bronze on my lips for so long that I cannot remember not wearing it, and then I went to buy a new tube of it and it was $9.99 and I thought to myself, “Self,” I thought, “Self, there is no fucking way I am spending ten fucking dollars on a tube of fucking lipstick.” And I think I really did swear that much because I kind of get worked up in my head about things like that. (In my head, I swear in a voice like Kathleen Turner’s, so it is very impressive. You must take my word for it.)
But right next to it were a whole bunch of non-sparkly colors of lipstick and they were all on sale, two for one, which is to say two for seven bucks, which is still a lot, but not ten fucking dollars.
So I have two new lipstick colors. And after writing this it dawns on me that there are only two reasons why I buy different lipstick, shoes, or any other thing:
What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Am I getting unnecessarily worked up about minor things to mask a vague yet overwhelming and growing terror about changing careers? Will someone please limit this lilac and cover that buff?