Because I am still a little sad, even after a great chat over dinner, I am going to write my Thanksgiving thankfulness list of thankfully giving thanks right now.
First of all, I must note that yes, I understand that Thanksgiving is a perverse sort of holiday, so you non-Americans can fold your little fingers in your little laps and refrain from lecturing me now. What you might not understand is that I like to eat. A lot. And so massive extermination of multiple cultures aside, this is an awesome holiday, one dedicated to overeating really unhealthy things.
Without further ado, my Thanksgiving thankfulness list of thankfully giving thanks:
- Nutella. O, like you didn’t know this was going to be first!
- Books. I like them better than people, most days.
- Pocket dogs.
- My co-workers, whom I have infected with several memes, one of which is the bizarre pronunciation of “Exaaaaahhhhhctly” that I have affected, and the other is the exclamation of “Good times!” after something that is most certainly not a good time. They also kick ass.
- People who don’t break into my car. (See, I knew that keeping the blue tape around my new window would work!)
- Free water. Free Willy, too, while you’re at it.
- My metabolism, for allowing me to eat like a small horse and still only gain weight on my ass, which happens to be all the fashion now.
- My flatmate, for enabling me in so many ways. Especially enabling me to snack and watch television. She also says things like, “Stop being productive! You’re making me feel bad!”
- My Star Trek one-a-day calendar. Today’s pic is of Tasha Yar. Are you touching yourself yet?
- The aliens who sent me to spy on you all. I mean. Kittens.
- Jon Stewart.
- My health, my job, and my talent. Yadda yadda.
- People like YOU, my dear readers! Because writing is nothing without an audience, and if it’s craptastic writing like this post, it’s in the negative numbers, which means I am overdrawn! Shit!
- That half-bottle of Laphroaig at home that’s calling my name right now.
- Mm, scotch. Wait, what?
- Perforated paper.
- Okay, okay: my friends and family. There, that wasn’t so bad. You’re all great and stuff. I tell you this all the time, so if you’re waiting for a post like this to confirm it, maybe I am telling you in Esperanto. In which case, sorry! My bad. It is my native language, so I slip sometimes.
- Smiling to myself while walking down Market Street because it makes people walk in wide circles around me, so I get all of the sidewalk to do a little weird jig and be smiley. Right before the paddywagon pulls up.
- Getting out of the institution for Thanksgiving. This will be the BEST ONE EVAR!!!1!1!!!
fucking thanksgiving. harrumph.