life’s an itch

The following is an email I sent to my family, updating them on the health situation. Since I am entirely unoriginal and lame, I’m pasting it here.

So I’ve taken two Cipro pills thus far, and the only thing I can tell it’s doing is making my Zombie Wounds weep significantly more. I think that’s a good sign, though, if it’s pushing out the bad stuff. I am doing creative visualization to help my healing process: the Cipro symbolizes everyone voting for Kerry, and we’re forcing Bush (a/k/a STAPHYLOCOCCUS) out of office! Yeah!

My face and parts of my body are entirely covered in what I can only term “pre-pimple” rash: red bumps that look like they’re going to turn into whiteheads. Great, so on top of everything else, I am going through puberty again. I intend to spend the majority of the afternoon alternating between writing HALSTED + THE MSG on the cover of my spiral notebook and crying for no reason. Wait, I already do those …

Washing my puberty-ridden face causes excruciating pricks of pain, but feels much better afterwards. Everything, and I do mean everything, itches, so I took an antihistamine just a few minutes ago. I got about 2 hours of sleep last night due to extreme itchiness so I hope this antihistamine works. If not, I’m breaking out the bottle of single-malt scotch tonight.

I would just go home, instead of staying at work, but lying there doing nothing just makes everything itchier. At least here I have to focus on things that aren’t itchy, like making people pay money for overdue books.

One good thing happened last night: when I got home, my FREE 20 Gb iPod (that I earned from was waiting for me. I hooked it up to my PowerBook and copied all of my music to it, which came just under 20 Gb. That’s 4000 songs! I listened to it on the way to work today, which made the ferry ride all the nicer. See, not all Internet scams are … scams. er. what?

Got to get some work done, slap some wrists, charge some fines, you know the deal. Hope you are all healthy and happy and NOT PICKING SCABS. EVER. I don’t care if you do it with a scalpel and latex gloves. Just say no.

Cipro/Kerry/Edwards in ‘04!

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I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.