cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

a small wish

So we’re back to the abject itchiness. My face is red and splotched, as are new parts of my body that were once calm. Right now I’m washing the MSG’s bedsheets and towels, just in case there are leftover baddies that are attacking me that way. I have an appointment with a dermatologist soon, but I don’t know if it can wait. I have enough antibiotics (and acidophilus) to last me a little while longer, but I don’t want any of this interfering with our anniversary, one week from today. Either I push through, or I go back to the doctor and complain a bit more, for more uncertainty in return … I just no longer know what to do, and I’ve become depressed. The MSG and my family and friends are all so worried about me, and I don’t want anyone to worry anymore.

I know I’ve said it before, and certainly what I’m suffering through is not one tenth as bad as other things my family and friends have had to endure, but this level of illness has put absolutely everything in perspective for me. I feel lame about falling behind in schoolwork, but at the same time, it’s all meaningless if I can’t be healthy enough to learn anything. It’s been three full weeks now, with no end in sight. I’ve taken my medicine; I’ve taken my vitamins; I’ve spent a small fortune on bandages and creams. I just want to be healthy again. It seems such a small wish; why can’t it come true?

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

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