cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

impotent rage

I have so little patience with everyone and everything right now. Objectively, I can see this as a phase, but emotionally, I am ready to explode with anger and resentment.

I no longer have any time for myself. Not a second. I’m talked to on the subway and on the ferry, which were once my safe places. Crazy people accost me on the way to and from the subway. I’m called on the phone while driving, although I don’t pick up. My job requires non-stop interaction with the public. I’m called on lunch breaks, when I get them. For four hours a week I must converse with my classmates, and my conversation is graded. I’m expected to keep up with a certain level of social engagements, which is always a greater level than I can handle. Email addressed to me must be answered promptly or I get a round of “are you okay?” messages. I’m usually talked to as soon I get home and until I go to bed. My phone beeps several times a day with text messages. My weekends are totally booked.

If I ever needed to use the phrase “impotent rage”, now is the time. I must escape.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

∞