Omigawd, so totally thank you for taking my very own meme! As it is a meme, it is very VERY important that you take this meme SERIOUSLY. If you don’t, your ears will weep pus.
- If you could weep pus out of any orifice, which orifice would it be? You may choose a neighboring orifice, like, say, your neighbor’s eye.
- So say there is this friend of yours who posts really passive-aggressive things in her journal about this other friend of yours instead of actually, you know, approaching the friend – and we should probably begin to use air-quotes here – approaching the “friend” about “strife” between “them”. DO YOU TELL YOUR “FRIEND” ABOUT YOUR “OTHER” “FRIEND”? YES / NO / MAYBE / O MY GOD YOU ARE TOTALLY WRITING ABOUT ME YOU BITCH.
- Do you like pus?
- How about the word “pus”? Is it satisfying to say?
- True or false: I know someone who is addicted to crack cocaine. (The “I” is me. Not you. Follow along. Too much crack? SEE?!)
- If you call me Hungry Hungry Hippocrates, you really know me, and I mean really truly know me. If you call me Halsted, you just kind of know me in that superficial way that we all call “know” but is really an excuse for the meaningless and empty black darkness that is the void of interpersonal relationships. If you call me Blanche Marie, you are my mom. She is weird.
- My baloney has a first name. What is it? If you do not spell it out, you will receive ten demerits.
- Socks are evil. Discuss.
- Pick an interest from my interests list and join its corresponding cult. Do not tell anyone what you are doing for five years. At the end of five years, leave the cult. (Or be assassinated trying. They do that kind of thing. I know.)
- Which are better, kittens or small end tables? Keep in mind that end tables sit still and are good for holding tumblers of ice water. Also, kittens poop.
- Did you forget about the pus?
- If you had to have a familiar, but it could not be a cute animal or some sort of anime faerie or something, and instead a dead white dude, which dead white dude would you choose and why?
- Mouse with scrollwheel vs. Roomba CAGEMATCH. Which would win?
- Hulk smash this question.
- Name the most embarrassing song you know all the words to. Mine is “Whoomp There It Is” and that’s no lie.
- Fill in the blanks: I’m a little teapot, short and _____. Here is my handle; here is my _____.
- Would you take a questionnaire that consisted of three thousand questions all about me and how well you know me, knowing it would take you five weeks to complete and that, at the end, when you received a score of 3.94%, you would send me into fits of painful sobbing re: aforementioned empty black darkness, void, etcetera?
- If you answered no to the last question, make yourself a little superhero cape out of a napkin and tell everyone you meet that your superpower is being super-great on this super day! Wait to be beaten into a bloody pulp with your own arm.
- Wow, you’re still reading. Um. Okay. Here is a secret code only for you: there’s no teamwork in meme. Just me, and me.
- Your new name is Yoder.