out of

feeling sick to my stomach in knots and uncertainty throws itself into me but i still catch it so it’s my fault isn’t it for opening arms as if by reflex like when someone tosses you something you don’t want you still open your arms and you still catch

is this what being in love is like to love the beauty of something so much you are afraid for it to disappear is this what i was supposed to be feeling and is this the truth inside the eggshell that i never wanted to crack

on my finger is a new ring with two stones purplyblue and the placard reads “helps with being present and with the assuaging of worry” and please let me be here right now because i hate throwing myself back at uncertainty and clawing at its little jeweled throat with no nails because i cut them all off long ago and they didn’t bother to grow back

you can fuck the love out of someone but you cannot fuck it back in

and so we begin

Current mood: Current music:

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.