musings of the introvert

How to tell you are actually a paranoid introvert with a fairly short attention span:

  1. When throwing a birthday party, you realize there are at least sixty people you’d like to invite. Cool.
  2. Upon inviting these sixty-odd (sixty odd, too) people to your birthday party, you suddenly worry that you will not be able to handle actually socializing with sixty-odd (sixty odd) people.
  3. Upon receiving the usual number of rejections from people who can’t make it, you start to wonder if they really didn’t want to come to your party in the first place.
  4. After attempting to talk yourself out of wondering about this, you start to wonder if the people who ARE coming really didn’t want to come to your party in the first place, but felt they should at least show up so you didn’t, o, say, post in your journal that no one wants to come to your party.
  5. After your boyfriend gently asks you to chill and just focus on having a good time, you start to worry if the people who attend who may or may not want to be there in the first place are going to have a good time.
  6. After attempting to chill, you go to bed and have horrible nightmares about everyone having a terrible time, getting food poisoning, hating the surroundings, despising the party game, and stalking off in a huff.
  7. After a bad night’s sleep, you go to work and two coworkers tell you they will not be able to attend after all. You begin to ponder the possibility that everyone who works with you secretly hates you.
  8. Staring at your invitation list, you realize that many of the males you know are going to be there, and most of the females you know are not. Assumption made: all women hate you.
  9. After accepting that you cannot drink heavily and still make your party, you decide to become one with your breath, Be Here Now, and meditate a little to center yourself.
  10. Approximately two seconds pass before you realize that your student assistants are laughing at you. Great.
  11. You drive home to let the cat out of the bathroom, where she has been locked up all morning – ANOTHER being who doesn’t want to attend your stupid party – and see there are two boxes full of birthday presents for you.
  12. PREZIES! … what was I musing about again? O, nevermind. LESS THAN FIVE HOURS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!

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I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.