cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

no one likes to be let down

It’s official: I do not understand people. My introversion is taking over. The irony of this is that I just sent out invitations for my birthday party on Friday the 13th. I’ll recover, at least temporarily, before then.

Today I arrived at work to a new Dell Latitude laptop. 2 Ghz processor, 512 Mb of RAM, nice video card, etc. Although I’m not a PC girl anymore, it sure is pretty. And fast.

All I want to do is come home from work and sleep. Instead, I will go to happy hour tonight, because I really miss Martha. And I miss my bartender, too, because he pours me good wine and calls me “a rare flower”. I feel very much like a rare flower today, cut right before I bloomed, then accidentally left out in the rain and stepped upon.

Is it really okay not to be a mysterious girl? It seems they’re all the rage, especially here and especially now. All my layers are cotton instead of taffeta, and my skin is all raw and pink. I don’t know how to live beside such beauty without seeming old and worn. If I brush past the fancy girls, will they wince and shake me from their sleeves like ashes?

Eighteen days to thirty-one. I can’t be old yet; my eyes are still so open to the world, and I am still surprised when someone does me wrong.

Current mood: Current music:

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

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