do you want to know

do you want to know how i live well i will tell you i live with a small cat in a small room and there are things not mine in a corner and there are things not mine in another corner and i do not remember what is mine and what is yours or what is trash the boxes bags all look like they could still be mine or someone else’s or yours

do you want to know how i talk i will tell you i use too many likes and i use too many ums and my hands attempt to keep stationary because that is the surefire sign that you are a WOP says junior-high voice inside and yet they can’t so they strangle each other often like little murderous birds or hide gnomelike under my chin

do you want to know how i think well i will tell you i think all over the place i think in a big tomato sauce mess and everything stains and i forgot the bleach again things jumble together and what i remember from last night i also remember from three days ago from a month from last year from when was that i don’t remember when that was and there are the darker times the times in which i doubt myself and beat myself up for never having enough time to do the thousand things i want to do with this life before i remember to just breathe

do you want to know how i touch well i will tell you when i am not afraid to touch i hug and hold and i smooth rumpled hair and gently grab an arm or a shoulder and on occasion i have been known to brush knuckles against a jawbone or reach for a hand or press my fingertips along a spine but when i am afraid i am somewhere else and no touch can reach me so i do not think to touch i just float away and away

do you want to know how i love well i will tell you i love with the edge of a knife of courtesy i love with the thickness of velvet and the transparency of glass and the strength of spiderwebs i love with furlined gloves i love with red wine held over the tongue i love with sunlight through eyelids and i love with moonglow on black stones i love with a secret just about to be whispered into your ear i love with a cautious stride on a cold night i love with a brick to the temple and i love with an ice cube down your sternum but most of all i love with the space between me to you right before there is no space at all

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.