cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

sleep perchance to

i wish i could say i don’t remember when i had this bad of a workday but i do because it was monday of this week and that is just long enough away for me to remember it in aching detail how things so slowly like an igloo of tissue paper left out in the rain broke down down down with each fat raindrop down punch down crunch down do

i thought i would drive into the city tonight and spend some time with someone and then it occurred to me that i no longer have to extend myself into oblivion i no longer have to pretend everything is all right when it isn’t and you know i never had to in the first place but i did and i

sometimes i wish i had no memory at all sometimes i wish i remembered everything it occurs to me while i am walking in the cold rain that my memory is like a jacket made of holes i can remember the seams and not the fabric i can remember the way it feels when i put it on but it does not keep me warm

not always at least

sometimes it does

pulling my hand away takes more energy than hiding my hand in my sleeve

one night i stayed up until five in the morning just to see if i still could just to see if it was like i remembered it with the dawn at the edge of the window just lightening up just pinkening the sky just holding off until we have our grand showdown and it proves me wrong it proves me too tired

on my right thigh there is a thin pink scar like an open parenthesis on my upper lip there is a bruise like a comma so i wonder what my sentence is saying today where is the rest of the phrase and is there a participle dangling just out of reach

you can look at me with those eyes and i can stare back because after all of this i still do not believe that you see me the world outside explodes and our rights are torn apart more rain on tissue so we forget to stand up we forget that to say we have it so good means we think we have it better than we do

so many people selling so much but what is most important is given away

pull away break full off and free i won’t tell if you won’t tell on me

Current mood: Current music:

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

∞