cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

epiphany

Last night, Brina came to visit me. This was a watershed occasion, since I don’t invite many people over to my little apartment. I suppose that has to do with still feeling like it is in disarray, since there is so much stuff crammed into such a little space. Also, I don’t want anyone to take a look at where I live and feel sorry for me. It’s true: it’s very small, but I love it. I will move someday, but I’m pretty set on moving into the city itself when I do move, so for now, this is a good place. Plus, DSL. Hello!

Brina and I had nummy sushi and walked all around downtown San Rafael. We talked about a wide variety of things, but most of our talk centered around how we both spend a lot of time justifying our actions and apologizing for our behavior. Her entry gets into greater detail; I’m so glad she wrote about that. I had an epiphany as we were meandering down the darkened streets of my little town. It explained so much about how I conduct myself, particularly in romantic relationships. Now I know how to avoid resentment and bitterness. It’s so obvious now that I’ve been able to see it and talk about it this way.

My new promise to myself is that I will not apologize for living my life. I am a mature, responsible and loving person. The people who care about me will not require me to justify my behavior, because I behave ethically and compassionately. I no longer need to hide behind “is that okay?” with regards to each of my actions – it is okay because I say it is okay.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

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