cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

obligation

I realized too late how the last entry made me sound, hanging out with someone I don’t even like, like it’s some accepted occurrence in my life.

It isn’t. I didn’t really know that I didn’t like this guy until I hung out with him for more than 10 minutes. And it’s not that he’s a bad person, because he isn’t. He was very respectful to me and it was kind of him to include me on something he enjoys as much as he enjoys hiking. We just don’t have anything in common – including hiking, at least not as I understand it. I like to meander gently through surroundings, absorbing the sights and smells, perhaps chatting and perhaps not. Also, as mentioned before, I do not enjoy outdoor activities that involve me peeing in the wilderness. Please do not coach me on the subject; I am well aware of How To Do It, I just don’t like it.

I am trying to phase out the sense of obligation that I seem to have to people I’m not even interested in getting to know. At one time, I felt that it was my duty to be friends with anyone who said hi to me. Now that I am sorting out my issues (in neat little color-coded piles), I understand that I have a limited amount of time and energy and I should spend these on people I truly care about, because there are plenty of those.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

∞