cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

spoons

The spoons are mocking me, eyes bleeding either red (spaghetti sauce?) or brown (nutella?) mournful gazes from the smooth steel sink.

I douse them in water, leave them to soak in biodegradable, hypo-allergenic, additive-free detergent. They sniff condescendingly at what appears to be soapless soap.

Every morning I have a run-in with a spoon. My short-long hair collects on one, wraps around the base of its head, and I cannot remove it until I find scissors, flustered, and make tiny angry snips until the rogue hair is trimmed.

Sometimes, there is no run in; they just stare at me. I can’t stare back. I can’t bring myself to stare back. They have seen it all, because they sit in the most private of rooms. They know what I have done in here. I do normal human things, and they know.

I think about my mother picking out these spoons, her long, slender fingers caressing the scrollwork handle, breathing, “Yes, I like these best.” Was it before I was born, or after? Does that matter?

Scrubbing the concave emptiness, I know if I looked hard enough, my reflection would be all wrong. It’s so often all wrong.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

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