friday fuck-all

After reading this week’s questions, I am formally boycotting the Friday Five. Celebrities? Yeesh. We can do better, can’t we?

1. Which key on the keyboard are you today?


2. Just like you thought, reincarnation really does happen! But you haven’t been a very good human this go-round. In your next life, you come back as which unhealthy snack food?

It would have to be a box of Junior Mints, considering how many of them I have consumed. Eep.

3. What’s the one thing you wish you would have done upon being fired or laid off from a job? (If you haven’t been fired or laid off, you suck and are hereby forced to answer this question with a compliment about me.)

I wish I would have peed in the office. On someone’s desk, even. Just, you know, peed.

4. Finish the words coming out of my mouth: “My name is Halsted and I will be your _______ today.”

Paper shredder!

5. The devil went down to Georgia, but really he should have gone to …

Columbus, Ohio.

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I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.