cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

lonely

I’m lonely. Specifically, I’m missing Chad. So I called him. He’s busy.

I need to be missed by him when I’m away, and I think I articulate this, have articulated it many, many times. It just doesn’t sink in, or he forgets until the next time, and then gets frustrated with me needing this sort of reassurance.

In general, I would consider myself emotionally independent. But I feel like if I stop needing this sort of reassurance from him, I’ll stop caring as much about the relationship. I’ll detach. I don’t want to detach.

It probably doesn’t help anything that my grandmother is dying, my father is healing from major surgery, and I just watched “Moulin Rouge” for the second time. Most of my angst has been worked out through crocheting the hell out of the afghan, but there’s always some left over …

I just don’t want him to be too busy to remember to call me. I feel like that’s a lame reason. That’s all.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

∞