luck and pity

Yesterday around 17:30 I walked into Chad’s study and asked, “Do you want to swap studies?” Around 00:30 this morning, we finished the bulk of the work. I’m now set up in the much-cozier, corner study, which has two windows in it and is typically warmer because of the sunshine. Chad now has the larger, middle study, with only one window but a lot more space for his behemoth of a desk and other fun things. We’re both pleased with the movement, I think. Opening the futon in my study will be a challenge, but I’m not too worried about it. Tonight we have to switch the contents of our respective closets, hang pictures, and then the move will be finished. I want to sew curtains for my new study because the blue floral things that came with the place are just hideous. I bet I could find some sun-moon-stars fabric to match my pillows and throw.

On Saturday night, Chad, Clay, Lily and I went to a poker party thrown by David and Brina. We played poker and “Apples to Apples” and I actually won a bunch of hands, which is completely unlike me. I took just a few pictures but I am not very good at composition yet so most of them are weird-looking. Taking pictures of the room and people in the reflection of the mirrored coffee-table was fun, though. There were some very interesting and friendly people at the party. I know in those situations I am typically “too quiet” but I tried to open up a bit. It’s difficult; I don’t feel funny around people who don’t know me, as if my humor has to be given context to make sense. I’ve never been as funny as my mom or Chad, and I understand that, but I don’t think I’ve come to terms with it yet. Anyway, I felt awkward because I was winning so much; normally I can rely on my sucky luck to provide some generic entertainment around people I don’t know. Instead, I won money at poker. For the first time ever. I do not understand my life at all.

Can you tell where this is going? I can: straight into Self-Pity Land. It’s because I didn’t get enough sleep last night, and because I am, regardless of sleep deprivation, neurotic as hell. Let’s step on the gas and maybe we can make it through quickly …

Nah, fuck it. Instead, I will enjoy the perfume of my blooming Dutch hyacinth while I fiddle with library usage statistics, and we will dream of a sunny nap in my new study. She’s fuschia and I’m sad, so we go together.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
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