when sleep is no release

This morning, I had a very vivid dream that bothered me as soon as I woke up, mostly because it involved a plane crash. I decided to write it down so I wouldn’t forget it.

I was resting my head on Susan's shoulder. We were going to fly up to see Mish since she couldn't come down to see us for the rest of my trip to see her, even though it was only a four-hour drive. Suddenly, we both felt a bump and looked out the window. There was a power line right next to the wing; Susan yelled, we're too close! we're going to crash! And then there was a huge bump, not crash, but thud, and we were jolted around so much but our seatbelts held us in. Then the plane stopped moving. We were ordered to get off in singlefile, and don't bring your baggage, although since no one was hurt everyone was bringing their baggage. We were ordered to go through the lobby of this building and directly into a smaller lobby marked SURVIVORS. We sat down on folding chairs and there was going to be a lecture, or maybe refreshments. I snuck out a side door and opened my purse; there were four cigarettes in it, Camel Wides, like I used to smoke. A man sitting next to the door said, please give me a cigarette, I definitely need one after that shit. And I agreed, so I gave him one, but our hands were too shaky to pull it off smoothly. Finally I got his cigarette lit, and mine, and I took a deep puff. It felt like it always did, tingly and dizzy-making, and the man and I smiled at each other. I laid my hand at my side and accidentally burned a hole in the thin cotton caftan I was wearing. It was more like a nightgown than an outfit and I was pretty embarrassed. I tried calling Mish on her mobile but I couldn't get a dialtone, and it was too loud; we were right near some other planes that were just sitting, motors revving up. A security guy came by and told us we couldn't smoke there, so he and another officer moved us to a different location. The other officer was dark, maybe Indian or Pakistani, and he smiled at me and asked if I was all right. I just stared at him, so he gently put his arm around me and told me a little story about his day.

Then I logged on and read the news.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.