cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

friendly

It’s unfair to expect other people to want to commit more to a friendship than you do. It’s also unfair to expect other people to be comfortable with methods of communication that would facilitate Getting To Know Them Better. There are a lot of unfair bits of this friend search I’ve started. Not that I don’t have any friends: I actually have lots, more than I can keep up with sometimes. But the pain of long-distance friendships has been shriveling my heart into beef jerky for years now.

I just need someone nearby.

A friend of mine, somewhat nearby, mentioned the “built-in best friend” factor of marriage. There’s no doubt about it; Chad is my best friend. But does that mean I don’t get any more? I’ve exceeded my quota?

My head aches with all the stereotypes floating around about married people. No, I didn’t turn into one amorphous we-creature. I am my own person, separate and whole. Deal with it.

There have got to be people nearby. I’m not taking no for an answer. I love my long-distance people, all of them, but what about the short distances?

Someone from the community theatre called me back. Chad and I will audition for them soon, and maybe we’ll meet some friends here. I don’t care; my head hurts physically and otherwise; I’ll be quiet after a while. Maybe I’ll forget what’s so important about having people near me, and I’ll settle into prime-time television and drinking myself to sleep.

Right.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

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