shelved angst

i am not avoiding this; yesterday was just crazy. i had so much shit to do here that i barely remember breathing. i now truly understand what having a love/hate relationship is: i have it with my job. some days i just hate it, and then other days, like last wednesday, i really love it.

i went to another large architectural firm in the city to tour their library, and get some pointers on how i can stay afloat in this place when it’s such a total mess. (i know i say it’s a total mess a lot, but it truly is. there isn’t even a functioning catalog. in a library. i know. and yet i persist …) it was such a morale boost, really. the librarian there has been around for about 20 years and you should see how respectfully the people there treated him. he actually said that if a coworker is rude to him, he’ll put their request at the bottom of his list. after a few of those instances, people get the hint and behave. now if i could only do that here! i just don’t feel like i have the backup to follow through with that kind of attitude.

anyway, i felt great after being there, for many reasons, the primary one being that he had this incredible database to work with and when i mentioned that we didn’t, he just gaped at me in disbelief. so hey, i’m not totally off my rocker in requesting a library catalog if people want this to be a real library. the person in our office who was supposed to build me a database (mind you, something i want to be able to put on the intranet website) handed me a book called mastering access 97 for windows 95/nt.

this is what i’m dealing with here!

there’s only one person in the whole office who listens to me, so i’ve focused all my energies on communicating with her; she actually gets stuff done when i bring it up. it’s novel, really.

i wish i could show everyone in this office the other office’s library. sure, it’s cleaner over there, and there’s tons more space and better shelving, but when they see how i’ve improved this place since i’ve gotten here, they may have a little less to bitch about, and a little more respect for what i do every day.

then again, they could just not care. this is a disturbing trend.

regardless, i need to get moving with grad school stuff, because i don’t want to be an architectural librarian forever, this much is certain. i do have my good days, my bad days, but overall it’s clear that i am working towards career goals that don’t involve shelving bits of colored concrete, or chasing down copies of magazines that people steal out of my mailbox.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.