cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

part two

the second thing i want to do today is ignore the guy on my bus.

the guy on my bus is just a normal-looking guy, probably my age, maybe a year or two younger. he is shy; i am pretty friendly at my bus stop in the evening, saying hi and making eye-contact and idle chat with the other people in line, and he always does that look-down-right-at-the-point-of-eye-contact thing. it originally made me self-conscious but then i forgave him, because i’ve grown accustomed to this role and i like playing it.

i would much rather never talk to him, ignore him dearly, than be the disappointment. “o, you’re married.” i’ve heard this said in the worst tone imaginable; i’d be hurt if i thought people actually paid attention to what they say half the time. if i never talk to the guy on my bus, i am never a let-down, i am always the possibility, i am intriguing and nameless.

i’ve got to hope that by now he’s seen my wedding band, and so it’s not about sexual interest or conquest. barring that, my hope is that he never, ever speaks to me. i like being interesting enough to never approach.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

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