i have been conserving energy. time usually spent writing journal entries has been put towards editing two dreadful poems i can’t just kill off.
time usually spent online from home has been put towards spending time with chad at home, and our friend chris, making dinner together and chatting and hitting each other with sofa pillows and laughing.
time usually spent worrying about my appearance has been put towards doing little, different things with my hair or makeup or choice of clothing.
time usually spent responding to email has been spent worrying over if how other people see me is how i really am, and if there is an objective “me” that exists apart from everyone else, or if there is only the subjective “me”, seen through a thousand different filters, filters of my own fabrication and of others’.
time usually spent sleeping on the bus rides to and from work has been put towards staring out the windows at the people inside their cars beside me, into their impassive forearms and laps.
time usually spent worrying about getting to detroit for thanksgiving has been set aside for something else – dad already got our tickets for this year. that’s a minor relief.
i may take that time and put it towards a chunk of nothing at all. blank time to be blank, to rest and readjust. or that time may just slip away unnoticed after i send this out across the wires, invisible like so much resentment, an empty, solid cloud.