i have no idea what to write about tuesday. work was busy yet tediously so. i had a good long conversation with shae, finally, after months of having schedules that didn’t quite mesh. well, you can’t blame us; there’s a ten-hour time difference between california and finland.

earlier in the evening, a lizard had gotten into our apartment, one of those tiny faux-chameleon ones, and chad moved the furniture looking for it but it had disappeared. while i was on the phone with shae, i found it almost underfoot. zen had chewed its guts up a bit and it was close to its last moments. all of a sudden i got teary and picked it up, and it died. i carried it outside and buried it shallowly by our little pear tree.

why do these little things affect me so much? the cat doesn’t care; the lizard minded getting his guts gnawed on but he’s dead now. and i’m still here thinking about it, wanting the lizard back so he could crawl on my fingertips and slowly fade from taupe to glassy green. i need more time with this creature i never knew.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.