cygnoir.net

cygnoir.net

catch-22 on the 22nd

i can’t put anything away until it’s catalogued, and i can’t catalog anything until i get the program installed, and this is currently a very low priority because there are more important snafus to be fixed, i.t.-wise, around here.

but still, it’s a priority-one for me.

this isn’t just happening at work. it’s happening in my head, too. i’m trying to shuffle around how i feel about certain topics because my opinions are negatively impacting a few of my friends. (that’s a nice way of saying that i’m hurting people’s feelings, by the way.) at the same time, i feel so strongly about these things that to pretend i don’t would compromise more of myself than i am willing to. i love my friends. that doesn’t change. but how much do i, do you, does anyone give up for friendship? i actually like compromising with friends; it’s cooperative and kind, traits i value highly. but when my own self-image starts to suffer – when i look at myself and start to dislike what i see – then i have to do this shuffling.

i am committed to making it work, until there is nothing left to work on. until there’s no more friends, until there’s no more library. that’s just it. it’d be easy to walk away. but i don’t do that, dammit. not anymore.

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.

∞