take a hint

i don’t take hints. this confuses people who consider my grasp of the subtleties of language to be impressive in some way. i wish i could show them what it’s like in my head. it’s not that i’m not paying attention; it’s that i don’t know what you mean until you tell me what you mean.

previously i have felt some great pressure to react, even in the absence of further information, which frustrates and annoys me. still, i’ve reacted, and nearly without exception my reactions have created further misunderstandings.

so now i’m trying something out to see if it works better: if you don’t tell me what you mean, i’m not going to assume – i’m just going to sit here, indefinitely, until i get more information. if i never get more information, then i never react. that’s it. it’s going to be a pain in the ass for me because i hate waiting, but to me, waiting is better than reacting inappropriately.

so, um, if i left you a nasty voicemail yesterday, please disregard it. that was the old me!

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I acknowledge that I live and work on stolen Cowlitz, Clackamas, Atfalati, and Kalapuya land.
I give respect and reverence to those who came before me.