you have to know something before i go to bed. what that something is, is this:
i am lactose-intolerant.
i bought lactase tablets on friday. i bought lactaid milk at the store today. it’s really happening; the transformation has begun.
what i’m turning into has yet to be seen. (i won’t even go into the fact that the second knuckle of my left index finger is all kinds of achy, and even moreso when it rains, because that would mean i will convince myself i am turning into an old lady, and that just leads to getting something else pierced.)
so, no more normal dairy for me. this is fine. certainly there are worse maladies. however, in a curd of irony, i have become addicted to hard candy called “milkfuls”. they are spheres of sugary wonder that gently embrace centers of milky goodness. hard candy is oodles more fun than cigarettes ever were.
the creators of this fine, addictive candy is a german company by the name of storck, which, i am pleased to announce, also produces “mini dickmann’s”. there’s also “super dickmann’s” for larger cravings.
really, the innuendos are my free gifts to you.